If you’ve been around awhile you’ll have heard me say that your relationship with money is like any other relationship, which means it needs continual love and attention and the willingness to work through whatever crap that comes up that’s in the way of that love, right?
But HOW on earth can you have a good relationship with money when it’s not at all SAFE to love it?? When it seems, and you’ve been taught, that is flat out WRONG? And not only is it wrong, it is BAD. And not only is it BAD, it makes you someone who is essentially “sick in the heart”.
That’s the real crux of it. We’ve learned from all manner of stories, tv, movies, cartoons, books and from hearing the messages in our families and our world that loving or caring about money makes you sick in the heart. It makes you bad. A bad, misguided person.
Just try saying “I love money” out loud. When you say it, check in with your body and tell me how much did you cringe on a scale of 1-10? 1 being “I love money and I’m totally cool with it, my body didn’t even flinch” and 10 being “I’m not even gonna say that out loud, that is disgusting and I am disgusting for even thinking it, and I fully expect the hand of god to smite me down for even reading this article!!”
If you fell anywhere in that spectrum between a 2 and a 10, then it clearly does not feel safe for you to love money. And that is getting in the way of you having more money and feeling SAFE IN YOUR LIFE.
We believe it is not safe to love money – or rather, to ADMIT we love money – because we believe that not loving it is the stronghold… that it’s the safeguard that will keep us from becoming a misguided, rotten, greedy, horrible, awful soul.
We believe (because we were taught) that it is important to keep this shame to keep us safe from becoming a monster. We’ve been taught money is bad and makes people bad, so we must hold it at arms length. We must maintain our distance from it, ignore it, turn a blind eye to it, and also try to get more of it at the same time in order to live.
Talk about a F-ing mind F#@%!
How on earth could you cultivate a safe, mutually supportive feeling relationship with money in your life when you are carrying all of this baggage?
We believe all this because there is a primary confusion.
The confusion is that money is what makes people greedy, corrupt or misguided, but it does not. It is the belief in SCARCITY that does that. The belief that there is not ENOUGH money to go around and never will be, and never could be, is what drives fear, and fear is what drives greed and corruption. It is the view that there is only a small limited supply, and only a small limited number of people can have it, instead of an infinitely abundant universe that is full of constantly renewing and expanding resources, and also, infinite POSSIBILITY.
And yes, our current reality in the world is a reflection of that belief, and how we have operated as humans, based on that belief. But a completely DIFFERENT reality is possible when this mindset is shifted, personally, and then, over time… collectively.
The secondary confusion is that we think we have to choose between love and money. And we ask eachother ridiculous questions such as if there was a bag of money sinking next to your partner/child which would you grab?! Are you f-ing kidding me?? You’re grabbing your loved one because you KNOW perfectly well there is ALWAYS gonna be more money, but not more of your loved-ones, and the fact that anyone would even ASK that question is just that same belief in SCARCITY. Because the only reason anyone would ever even THINK such a thing is the belief there’s not and is never gonna be more money like that.
The third (and most powerful) confusion and misunderstanding is that the power to create and call in the life and money you want is OUTSIDE you, and not INSIDE you. This topic is a whole BOOK unto itself. But it is truly the key that unlocks EVERYTHING.
I’m not going into that last one here, but that is the heart of my Feast or Famine No More Course, and the topic of many books and programs and the end goal of any professional therapy or counseling you might do. But here’s the thing, here’s what I want you to REALLY, REALLY sit with today…
I want you to think back to when you were a very young child. I want you to think of and see your innocence. I want you to now see someone coming up and handing you a shiny coin for the candy machine, or $1 to buy a ice cream, or $10 to buy that toy you wanted.
I want you to see your sweet little face LIGHT UP in that moment. I want you to see the genuine JOY and LOVE in your heart. You loved that shiny money. Because it brought you something you wanted, and getting something you wanted made you happy… and it was good.
Now imagine that that little innocent child is then told that that joy they just felt? That support and happiness? That feeling of love when they lit up at that shiny money? That means they are BAD. They are a BAD KID. They are corrupt, misguided, greedy, and sick in the heart for loving it.
People… this is what we are carrying. Someone DID tell that child that. Someone DID tell you that, MANY someones, through all the various ways that we get told this in our world. And your body is all grown up, but that little child inside remembers, so your body still carries the shame.
The fact is, you love money. You’ve likely got some really painful beliefs, experiences, and past traumas around money that are in the way of you having a better relationship with it and therefor having more of it, but you love money.
You love money because what you really know deep down, is what that child knows: that money doesn’t detract from love, it SUPPORTS IT. Money supports love and joy and freedom. Money can create delight and happiness in the same way that sunshine does.
And yes, money can also make us feel burned, just like that sunshine can. It can seem to disappear in the dark, just like that sunshine can. But also like that sunshine… it always comes back.
It comes back, and comes back, and comes back. It is always there, even when you don’t see it. And it is warming and nurturing all the creatures of the earth in all the ways. And when it’s not out in one place, you can try going another direction, going a new way, to a new place, and see… it’s ALWAYS OUT SOMEWHERE.
Or you can just stay put, and it’ll come back out where you are. 😉
So here’s how you start to shift your view and admit (to yourself) you love money and that you want to MAKE PEACE with it and have a better relationship with it in your life: you continually work on seeing that…
1. There is not one set limited supply of money sitting somewhere that we must fight over and war over. It is an ever-changing and expanding resource that runs the globe like rivers. If you think it is, you are thinking WAY TOO SMALL. You are stuck in a narrow view and it will suffocate you. Try and feel your way out of that view. It is worth it even if for NOTHING MORE than your peace of mind and heart.
2. You do NOT have to choose between love and money. Money supports people and things you love. Money is not what corrupts and takes away. Fear and scarcity is. Again, if you think that you do have to choose, you are stuck in a narrow view and it will suffocate you. Try and feel your way out of that view. It is worth it even if for NOTHING MORE than your peace of mind and heart.
3. You have the power. You’ve probably lived all your life believing the power is outside you, that it is lorded over you, that you don’t have it and have never had it. And that came from REAL and LIVED traumas and experiences. I am not taking anything away from that. Those experiences damaged your power, it damaged your sense of yourself and your own sovereignty and ability to create your life on your terms and love yourself. And it is my belief that this is the journey of life. We come in knowing our power and our magic and our worth, and then we lose it through all the things, and then… we take it back. Take it back, honey. Take it back. It is not power that hurts people, just like it is not money that hurts people, it is scarcity and fear and shame.
How would it feel to actually feel like money supports you? To actually feel more safe and more stable and secure with money?
How would it feel to you to have peace in your body and your heart about money? How might that shift your actual money story?
How might that shift and totally change your life??
How free could you feel? How much of your magic and your power to create your own life on your terms could you embody? And how would that feel and what would that look like?
How would you be able to support all manner of things, once you are truly feeling full up and supported??
There is only one way to find out.
As they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And will you take that step?
Will you give that little child inside their shiny coins and say “here you go sweet heart, you go and get your little self whatever your little heart desires.” Will you do that for her? For him? For them?
Will you do that for us all?
I know I will.
And one of my ways of doing that, is my Feast or Famine No More Course. It is my love letter to money, to myself, and to you. To the part of you that is shut down, and shamed, and afraid, but oh so ready to reclaim your life. To the part of you what is ready to write a whole new money story for yourself and your loved ones. To create a new paradigm. To lead a revolution… even if that revolution is only inside of you.
I invite you.
I invite you to take that first step, not towards me, but towards YOU.
Here’s the door » If you’re ready, come on through! It will be nourishing to you in places you didn’t even fully know you were hungry. And if it’s not, you can go right back out the door.
Don’t wait. Choose you.
Choose in the direction of your desire.
You are WORTH IT.
The past was real. It IS real. We cannot change the past and the pain around money. We don’t need to deny our histories in order to change them. In fact we CAN’T deny our histories in order to change them. We must embrace them, embrace the lessons, release what is done, and move bravely forward to a new and better time.