The most obvious first step to getting what you really want is one that most people actually miss, and that is to DECIDE.
To decide what you even really want in the first place is not as easy as it seems. However, contrary to what your brain is telling you, this is NOT because you don’t know what you want.
You actually DO know exactly what you want, but it can be almost impossible to see when there are still so many layers of fear and conflicting emotions piled on top of it.
Deep down you probably know what you want, but your mind says all kinds of things about how that’s not really possible for you, and what kind of havoc it might wreak, or what it would take, or what it might cost you (in all the ways). And so all that noise starts to feel like confusion about whether or not you really want that. Because now you have ALL this shit running around in your noggin trying to dissuade you from what you know is true.
And a lot of times we just get stuck right there in that loop, afraid to actually identify and CLAIM what it is we really want.
So the first step is to decide and actually OWN what you really want. Admit it to yourself. Stop running from it. ASK. Ask it of your life. This is a feat in and of itself!
It took me YEARS to admit that what I wanted was money. I wanted to taste financial freedom, a life of far more than “just enough”. I had not ever known anything other than just barely making ends meet. Scraping by, by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin. We would have feast times, but they were always followed by famine times. I wanted a totally different story with money. A totally different reality with money than I had ever known or seen.
What I know now that I couldn’t say then, was that I wanted to be rich. 😱😳🤯🙈 Meaning, have more than enough. Meaning, not having to worry about money. Having choices. Opportunities. The ability to choose what I want to do and when. The ability to take care of the people I love. And to give back in bigger and better ways to causes I care about—without a second thought. This was unfathomable to me. Absolutely unfathomable.
And “rich” was a VERY bad word. So was “wealthy”. So was MONEY! These were all words I could not even say out loud without cringing. Hell, I couldn’t even say them to myself in the privacy of my own journals! These words were not allowed. They were not me, and they were certainly not my people.
But if I wanted a different reality, it would certainly need to start with me learning to actually be able to SPEAK a different reality. I said I wanted to make more money and yet my entire body would recoil with disdain at the words!
This was a major clue. The level of disgust, repulsion, judgment, shame and shock I felt at these words perfectly encapsulated my TRUE feelings about having more of it.
My conscious mind wanted more money, but my sub-conscious mind said: NOPE!! No way, no way in hell, get that away from me. That is NOT who I am. That is not what I care about. I don’t need that. I’m better than that. That’s bad. That’s filthy. That’s wrong.
This brings me to step 2 of getting what you want: bring awareness to your RESISTANCE to having what you really want. Awareness of it starts the clearing process, and the clearing process brings the healing.
My own personal healing around this is, and was, about SO MUCH MORE than money. You guys… so. much. more. My deep desire for a different money reality was a gift from “god” (life, universe, love, nature, whatever you want to call it) — a gift of the thread to follow that would eventually pull me fully UP into myself.
Which brings me to step 3, the final step of getting what you want, which is to: RECEIVE. You are probably picturing everything you want just pouring in at this stage, but this too is an action step, just like steps 1 and 2.
People think receiving is passive, and it’s SUPPOSED TO BE, but it isn’t for most of us. We have learned not to allow ourselves to truly receive. We have learned to “earn our worth”, rather than seeing our inherent unmoving value, and so the receiving step of this journey is all about worthiness.
First, you decide. Then you get the judgments and learned beliefs out of the way. Then you take a good hard look at what you think you’re worthy of receiving. Otherwise, your subconscious will find ways to keep out everything you want to invite in. In such sneaky ways you guys, so sneaky!
Otherwise, you will reject the thing that life’s trying to give you because you don’t think you’re good enough to have it.
This is where the rubber meets the road. You will tell yourself: “I already know this. I don’t have these issues. I’ve already worked on my shit around this. I’m good.” And then someone will reject you on some level and you’ll crumble into pieces and doubt everything about you, and who you think you are and what you’re allowed to ask for, or have.
This is the healing. This is what needs to happen. Keep asking and let it happen. Keep deciding. Keep committing. Keep trusting yourself in the face of all doubt and skepticism. Keep trusting life and keep the faith.
Above all, trust the process. Keep going. And everything you want (and some things you didn’t even know you wanted but got as just a freaking BONUS) will begin to materialize in ways that will honestly blow your mind.
I used to think that people who got what they wanted, people who were successful, people who got rich (when they came from working class like me) were just lucky. Special. A freak, fluke case. A one in a million story that happens to other people, not to me. Not to people like us.
That was a comforting story I told myself. It kept me from having to risk or to try. It kept me feeling good about myself and where I was, I could justify it. It kept me angry-at and in judgement of those people, which felt a lot better than the sadness and powerlessness underneath. It kept me safe, but it also kept me out of my power to create what I want. It kept me from even admitting what I want. But most hurtful of all, it kept me out of my sense of self-worth.
But I am so grateful for it. I am so grateful I could hold that story while I needed it. I just don’t need it anymore. If they can, I can. If I can, you can. Everyone is a special snowflake. Everyone is worthy of what they want. You included.
There is not equal opportunity in this world. But there is opportunity. Find yours, and start there. People have come up from much less. People have come up out of utterly impossible situations. Find these examples, and use them as north stars. Let them be the evidence for the case of your new story.
Your belief in yourself and what you truly want will pull you up out of the weeds into bloom.
So go ahead and bloom, child…
P.S. If you don’t know where to start but know you need to work on this stuff, a great place to begin is right here »
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