I am going to ruffle some feathers with this one. And honestly, I’m happy to do it. To tell you the truth I feel like I could write a whole book on this topic because it all comes down to one thing and one thing only, and that thing is, self-worth.
Yes, you can price yourself on a lot of external factors. Yes, you can look around, compare, and price competitively. Yes, you can weigh out your value against someone else’s and determine your worth that way. Yes, you can do all of that….
but I don’t recommend it.
With this model, you will be trapped in an infinite loop. An infinite loop of having to justify yourself and your value to every different person, group, or societal norm. You will be endlessly on the Ferris Wheel of having to explain how your pricing is “good” or “right” or “deserved” or justifiable. You will constantly feel propelled to prove your merit and your worth.
Some people will see it, some people won’t. Some people will validate it for you, others will not. Some people will know you are worth every penny, others will say it’s absurd.
In this model, you are predicating your value on externals. You are asking the world to tell you what you’re worth, and they are complying with their many and widely varied opinions. You’ll get everything from, “Fantastic! where do I sign?” to “are you kidding me? that is ludicrous!!” to the all-time favorite, “who does s/he think s/he is?!”
And you know what? It’s a good question.
Who DO you think you are?
Do you think you are someone who is allowed to value your time and yourself in the way that you choose, without explanation or justification?
No? Then you’re certainly in good company, but you will stay stuck in that infinite loop of justifying, explaining and trying to prove yourself to people. You will make your prices about morality, about goodness or badness, rightness or wrongness, likability or fear of rejection, instead of about your inherent worth and right to create the life you desire on your terms. You will weigh it all out, compare it against what other people think, and you will hold yourself entirely out of the equation in doing so.
What if… I’m not asking you to believe it, but just ask yourself… WHAT IF you stepped out of that cycle entirely and just chose, for yourself, what your time and energy and life is worth to you, and offered that up without any need to justify, whatsoever.
What if, in doing so, you let others do exactly the same.
Meaning, instead of you trying to control their yes or no (their approval or rejection) by attempting to explain yourself, you just let them be in charge of what’s valuable to them and what their OWN time and energy is worth to them.
In this model suddenly everything that was spinning just drops. Even if your prices don’t change, energetically everything shifts. You stop being in a constant defensive position (if only energetically), trying to rationalize and make yourself and your ask “good” or “right” or “kind” or pleasing. If you’ve grown up being a people pleaser, this is going to be VERY HARD for you, but so worth it.
In this model, you finally stop judging yourself or others, and you just DECIDE how you want to value your time and/or creations. And you let those that are perfect matches to that come right along with it, once it fully hits home.
Because it is one thing to “know” these things on an intellectual level, and it is quite another to fully integrate and embody them. I personally could not get to this point when I was still believing that my self-worth depended on my ability to save other people, or that I needed to make sure they feel good and love and approve of me before I could approve of myself. I also could not get to this point when I thought that me and my work in this world needed to be like someone else’s and I needed to follow THEIR model.
Suspend all your beliefs about yourself and your worth for a moment and just ask yourself how would it FEEL inside your body to decide what your time is worth to you and declare it, period. No explanation. No justification.
Watch that part of you that has been conditioned by society to please and care-take all others before yourself absolutely SQUIRM at this notion. Watch how badly it wants to explain, how badly it wants to justify and make itself “right” and “worthy” and a “good person”.
That discomfort you feel…that is how badly you want others to validate your worth. Not just in this way, but in ALL THE WAYS.
How you charge what you’re worth and feel good about it is to charge what your time/life/energy/creations/art is worth TO YOU, and finally give YOURSELF the approval you’ve been seeking.
You stop asking them to see and know your heart and good intentions and decide to see and know your own, just for you. And you let that be enough.
You let YOU be enough.
Because you are.
You are always going to be too expensive, or not enough for someone, you are always going to see the message that you need to hustle for your worthiness, that you need to kill yourself hustling, to earn your worthiness. You don’t. There will always be those who are not the right fit for you, but you can be the right fit for yourself.
This way puts the responsibility back in the hands of whom it belongs to. To each person for themselves. They can make the right decision for them, and you can make the right decision for you. But until you really believe that you don’t need to prove it or justify it, you will get a lot of triggering people in your life testing that disbelief. *wink*
The good news is every NO is a YES to you. And all those yeses to you add up to more and more of the RIGHT yeses from the right people.
So repeat after me:
I give myself permission.
I give myself permission to do things differently.
I give myself permission to VALUE myself differently.
I give myself permission to value my time differently.
I give myself permission to value my work differently.
I give myself permission to CHOOSE what I want.
I give myself permission to let go of other peoples opinions.
I give myself permission to no longer justify or explain myself.
I give myself permission to believe what I believe.
I give myself permission to believe in abundance.
I give myself permission to believe in MYSELF.
Give yourself permission, stop expecting everybody else to do it for you. They won’t. They’re too busy struggling to give it to themselves. Give yourself permission to do it your way, and stop apologizing for it.
As long as you need to justify yourself and your decisions to people, the power will remain in their hands, and not in yours. And aren’t you tired of giving away your power like that?
Give yourself the permission you seek, it will be the most rewarding and profitable thing you’ve ever done. ❤️
xo
Sunni