As a woman business owner who works primarily with women business owners, I can tell you that the most common thread between us is that we’re trying to do too much, and do it all ourselves.
We want help, but we don’t trust help. We need support, but we don’t allow ourselves to receive it. We’re desperate for someone to take some of this crap off our plate, but there’s no freaking way we’re gonna do it because, frankly: “no one can do it like I can!!”.
Yep, we’ve all got that story line going on some level, and the truth is we’ve got PLENTY of evidence to back it up. Maybe we’ve reached out and already tried that, only to be disappointed and let down, or wasted our money and time.
Many of us have learned from a very young age that we are the only ones we can count on, and every failed attempt is further proof for that voice in our heads, “see I told you!”. And if you’re anything like me, somehow when the help fails, that’s my fault too.
Women business owners have an incredibly high degree of personal responsibility in them, they’re used to carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders—so much so that they don’t even notice they’re doing it—and so if someone fails to support them, they just put it right back on themselves.
It’s no wonder we don’t want to reach out and let ourselves be cared for in the way we really need… because it seems like we’re actually risking putting MORE on our plate by doing so! And the not-so-fun truth is, we are!
But taking the risk means you could finally find the ease and genuine connection you’re craving in your business, and give yourself the time and space you need to grow and do more of what you really want and love. Whereas not taking the risk can only have one outcome: a still overfull plate and a “safe” but lonely and worn-out you.
Either way, the simple fact of the matter is: we CANNOT do it all ourselves.
Not if we want to grow and thrive.
If you’re anything like me you’ve probably had a litany of reasons why you have to keep doing it all yourself:
• I can’t afford help
• I can’t afford good help
• No one can do it like I can
• I can’t find the right help for me
• I’ll get help later when I reach the ‘next level’
• I can’t trust anyone with this
• They won’t get it / they won’t get me
• I wouldn’t even know what to delegate or how
• It’ll end up being more hassle than it’s worth
• It’s too big of a risk, what if I fail and then they’re in it with me
But I think the truth is that all of these reasons really boil down to one thing, and that thing is: TRUST.
We don’t trust ourselves, and we don’t trust others.
Before I decided to allow myself help, I had every single one of these reasons on my list. And if I were to translate that list into what it was really about, it would look more like this:
• I don’t trust myself to be able to make and sustain the money I need to do this.
• I don’t trust or believe that I am really worthy or “on the level” enough to invest in what I need, cause I might fail.
• I don’t trust anyone to be able to do things in the way that I need them done.
• I don’t trust myself to be able to find the right fit for me. I don’t trust life to steer me in the right direction.
• I don’t trust that allowing myself help would actually enable me to GET to the ‘next level’ instead of waiting or fighting to get there on my own.
• I don’t trust anyone else to care for this, or me, the way I need.
• I don’t trust myself to know if they’re not ‘getting me’ or ‘it’ and just find someone else who does.
• I don’t trust myself to be able to step into a new role, a leadership role, of delegating and trusting and doing it differently.
• I don’t trust that there are good, talented, kind and wonderful people out there who are just as dedicated as me, and care just as much as I do, and will make my work life easier and not harder.
• I don’t trust myself not to fail, and I don’t want to have to make myself vulnerable to being seen in any faltering, hard times, or failure.
So I stayed lonely, overworked, and spread too thin… until I was really READY for something else. And the thing is, I didn’t need to wait to be able to trust someone else, all I needed to do was to finally start trusting MYSELF to know what I need, and show up for what I need, provide for what I need, and do whatever is required of me to make sure that the help and support I choose is something that will be of benefit to me and my goals in life and business. I had to really get behind myself.
I had to trust my own vision… I had to buy what I was selling… and it was hard! It IS hard—because being alone is SO much easier in so many regards! You don’t have to trust, you don’t have to be really all the way “seen”, you’re a lot less exposed that way. It’s ‘safer’. But it sucks.
That’s why I built my business the way I did—not just around branding and design—but around building lasting connections and a warm and easy working relationship for the long term success of your business and life! Because that is exactly what I want, for me.
As it turns out, the risk of being seen—and the risk of failure—is truly worth the reward.
What ways are you holding yourself back from the support you need? In what ways is that keeping you safe, but also stuck? And what would it take for you to begin to do things differently, and really finally feel the ease of having someone on your team who’s got your back?
Take it from a serial loner and someone who is a total introvert and loves that and wouldn’t have it any other way… you really don’t have to go it alone. ♥
You really can find the right fits for you, and make it work in the way that you like it, all you have to do is decide, commit, and take the next available step in front of you towards that. Start cultivating more trust in yourself, and watch what magic unfolds.